Some Good Things

As we close the year 2013, and enter into a new year, I find myself reflecting on what was good, what was bad, and what I want to be different in the coming year. I gave up on making resolutions, because I don’t stick to them, and then I made goals, which were inevitably too lofty – so now I decide to make attempts. I still try to do something I can measure, that I can reach, and that still challenges me to do better. So, the past few days, I have been thinking of things I want to improve on, things I am working on, and things I am already doing well (or, at least, I’m on the right track.) There are a few things I am working on that I think we all should give a try.

I’m a counselor of the Rogerian/Interpersonal/Feminist persuasion, so advice giving seems strange to me. Instead of framing it in that light, I want this list to just be a list of good things. I am a Martha Stewart fan, and on her show and in her magazine, was always a list of simple crafts, recipes, and tips she labeled as “good things.” It is in that spirit that I offer you my list of good things.

1. Eat real food.

When I was an in-home therapist, I found myself in remote areas which could definitely be classified as the “food deserts” we heard of recently. The only chance for a snack was the dollar general store or a gas station, and in the heat of the summer, packing a lunch was impossible. So, I found myself eating highly processed chemical laden substances that can hardly be classified as food. My wife and I were also depressed, and we both stayed exhausted from our jobs and never felt like cooking. Fast food became a normal routine.

After a trip to the doctor about chronic pain, and after I quit my in-home therapy job (which was insanely stressful for less money than I made at Home Depot as a cashier), I began to make some changes in my diet. We both did. My doctor challenged me to eat five vegetables AND five fruits a day. That hasn’t happened very much, but I have come close most days, and some days, I even meet or exceed that challenge.

I went to a Chinese medicine doctor for my fibromyalgia pain, and when I went, she told me something amid the acupuncture needles, the Eastern music, and the heat packs. She told me to only eat foods that had been prepared with love.

Wow. I really believe there is so much truth in that – that when we eat things made in anger and frustration, we take that energy in.

One other significant moment for me came in the form of a video – the scarecrow Chipotle ad.

I had read in magazines and articles, had watched videos. I knew what the food industry was doing. For some reason, though, I was moved to tears by this production. So, to our cage free eggs, organic non-hormone milk, we also added organic humanely raised meat, with no antibiotics or hormones. Absolutely the price is more – but we found something else is true – the taste and texture is better, and the meat is so fresh that the wrappers do not even stink up the trash. Seriously. What kinds of negative energy are we ingesting when we eat meat that comes from mistreated and “pumped up” animals? Not to mention the harmful nature of the chemicals, hormones, and antibotics.

For more on nutrition from eating real whole foods, I highly recommend

So, eat real food. Prepare it with love. Connect with the earth and appreciate it as you enjoy your meals.

2. Compost. Compost. Compost.

As you are eating more fruits and vegetables, save your peelings. If you forget about something in the fridge, and it starts to wither, compost it. Save your coffee grounds, egg shells, newspapers, and even paper towels. All of these compost well. You can buy an inexpensive bucket with a lid to keep inside, and then, carry it out to your pile or barrel when it is full. Make sure you add leaves or paper to keep the compost from being too liquid if you are using a barrel. And turn it frequently, or stir it if you are making a ground pile. Compost is great for any garden, but it is vital to a strong lasagna garden bed.

3. Plant a garden.

Put your compost to use, and save yourself a pretty penny by growing your own organic vegetables. Make sure your seed is free of GMOs. To do that, only get your seed from companies that have signed a pledge saying they will not knowingly sell GMO seed. That list is here.

Also, do not use chemical pesticides or herbicides. They kill bees. Instead, plant flowers and herbs next to your vegetables. There is a wealth of information on herbs and flowers that attract beneficial bugs (ones that eat the pests) and bees to pollinate your vegetables. Sometimes, you may just need to remove some pests (like horn worms) by hand. Weeds should be pulled, and if you must spray – vinegar and salt work well for beginning weeds, and flame throwers are also a good non-chemical solution.

For fertilizing, just use your compost, and natural substances – no chemicals.

4. Practice peace.

Here is a biggie for me. I tend to let things get to me, and I get very anxious, depressed, and angry. But now, I am resolving to stop that bad practice. By focusing on the present, focusing on the simple things, and reducing my intake of social media, news, and controversies, I am trying to cultivate a healthier inner and outer life. I am reading books on ways to redirect stress, and focus on controlling my reaction to stressors.

Not getting caught up in controversies is easier said than done. I have a lot of words swimming around regarding the ludicrous nature of the whole de-quackle (oh I am corny.) I also have a lot of inspiring things I am feeling about Robin Roberts (You are amazing. Light Love Power Presence). I want to write about the waves of equality and how there is so much more work to be done. However, I am not going to spend my time writing and focusing on things which make me angry (chick fil a and camo, seriously?)

Instead, I am endeavoring to focus on what is in front of me, and to put things in front of me which are, as Robin put it: Light, Love, Power, Presence.

Things like my wife, our pets, making healthy meals together, planning our garden, and reading from the lectionary, and practicing the common prayers. Things like investing more in friends, watching less news, riding our bikes and hiking more. I am placing sources of peace in front of me. What a good thing.

Well, that is a small list, but a very good start. I wish for you all, a wonderful new year filled with love, faith, hope, and joy – and that we all would work and pray for peace. Here’s to 2014 being better than 2013, and to making sure we make that happen.

This year, I was struck by how much of Christmas is about a baby. I cried all through Advent service, at every song and every prayer, as it struck me at my core and reached a part of me not reached til now. A new, expected, long awaited for baby who brought so much hope, love, and change. Let’s continue to celebrate and hope for that newness being born in all of us.




Wishing and Hoping and Praying and Waiting

I woke up this morning unsure of what I would write about today.

I thought about our garden and how our squash plants and cucumber plants are producing flowers but no fruit – a problem when no bees are around to help pollinate.

I thought about where we are in life and how things are starting to come together.

Then I thought about our next step:


I would say we are about to start a family, but the truth is that we already started.

We started a family when we joined our lives, our friends, and our families (both blood related and not).

I thought as I lay next to my sleeping wife this morning, that we have also already began that process of making room in our lives for our children.

And then I remembered a post by my dear friends, as they are making the journey of adoption, now for their second child. Jason wrote a post a couple months ago, focusing on the Mumford & Sons song, “I Will Wait” and how it is the theme for this time as they are waiting for their second child. I can’t read it without crying.

So as I lay, looking up at the ceiling fan this morning, I started tearing up and thinking about them and their beautiful family, and how we are at a similar place, engaging in active hopeful waiting for our children.

We have the room painted, even though it is now a storage room full of stuff that will have to be moved out – we are making building another building for all those vintage couches, the pool table, and shuffle board a priority for the next months.

There are books on our book shelf: children’s books from our own childhoods, and books we picked out together – and even one from our dear friends V & J, called “Country Babies Wear Plaid” – which is completely perfect for us plaid wearing southern lesbians who are starting an organic farm and family together.

We have names picked out.

We started looking at baby furniture and accessories. We have already talked about cloth diapering and making our own baby food and looked into how to do so many things. We often have conversations about parenting and the “what ifs.”

I studied how maternity leave works and have been trying to get my body in better shape – taking some folic acid and having tests done. D is getting her body ready, too.

There is also the fear – what do we do about making sure we are in the room with each other when it is time to deliver? What if the nurses and doctors start being jerks to us because we are gay? What all do we need to do to make sure our child is ours – both of ours? Can we legally adopt each other’s child?

We are seeing an attorney as soon as we can.

Despite all the uncertainty, there is so much excitement, so much joy, so much hopeful anticipation. Jason compared the hopeful waiting of adoption to advent, and I remembered a little entry I wrote a few years ago in this small leather journal I kept writing in to my future wife – about hopefully waiting for her, and engaging in active waiting for her. I gave that journal to D on our wedding night.

Now we can’t wait to meet our first daughter or son. And the second, too, in all honesty.

It is excitement and longing like when I wrote that entry, yet unlike it and unlike anything else I have ever felt before.

I find with this part of our journey, that I am more protective of my family, and that I put up with nothing that would try to dissolve it or threaten it. I find that I want to fight even more for legal protections for all people and their families.

There is something about this weaving together of lives – it feels tighter, and stronger, and more and more central and powerful.

So here we are – planning our late honeymoon/anniversary trip/legal marriage trip for this Autumn, and planning to “start trying” just after.

It is exciting and scary and joyful – so joyful.

We will wish. We will hope. We will pray,

and like our friends, we will wait.